Fight for Real Friendships

Something I’ve learned over the past five years:

Friends are revealed when you’re at your worst, not your best—when you're at the bottom, not the top.

When you have nothing to offer but liability to anyone who comes close, that’s when you take notice of who is still with you.

For pastors, it is very, very hard to experience true friendships.

Many times, it turns out that they weren’t really your friend to begin with.

Carey Niuwhof writes: “They were using you, or rather, using your power as a leader.

Beyond the power to hire and fire, you also hold the power to determine the mission and direction of the organization. Your words weigh more, and you have the clout that simply accompanies the position you hold, whether you feel like you do or not.

As a result—and here’s the dynamic—people build relationships with you for reasons other than just pure friendship.

Sometimes they’ve built a relationship with you because they want to be close to their leader or they want some influence over the organization’s future direction. Other times, they’re just drawn to the leader’s charisma.” (See: Why They’re Not Really Your Friends)

But here’s the thing: pastors need friends — real friends — they can depend on.

And so you have to fight for them. You have to double-down, grit-it-out fight for real friendships as a leader. And you have to learn to trust again after you’ve been burned.

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced friends leaving your life. For whatever reason.

If you have a grudge or a hurt or a misunderstanding that needs attending to, pick up the phone and make the first move.

Contrary to our instincts, hard conversations usually don't kill relationships.

They save them.

It's choosing the short, life-saving pain of surgery over the long-term, fatal pain of cancer.

You've Gotta FAIL If You Want to SUCCEED

Did you know that the average small business owner fails 2.7 times before finally reaching success? That means they have to publicly fall flat on their faces and lose everything over two times before they learn all the secrets necessary for full-time success! The term “Overnight Success” is an oxymoron.

I believe the same is true in ministry: you’ve gotta FAIL if you want to SUCCEED!

In failure:

• You learn how not to treat the people you lead

• Discoveries are made in scheduling and planning for major events

• Emotional IQ is enhanced and increased

• Persistence is stirred up for later reliance

• WHO you can trust and count on during tough times is revealed

• Humility is accepted as the pathway to greatness.

Every crisis is an opportunity.

Dream Again.  Dream Bigger.  Dream Better.

The Dream is the Distance: Everything looks different from a distance.

Even though you see empty seats, there is an opportunity for growth.

Genesis 41 tells us the following:

• The dark room is where he develops the negatives.

• The more God uses you, the more He humbles you.

• Purpose Over Position -- Believe this and you will never get offended!

• No Mess, No Ministry

• No Drama, No Dream

God did not say this would be easy; He said He would be with you.

If you are currently experiencing or feeling failure, GREAT! It’s a necessary prerequisite to achieving greater ground for Kingdom expansion! Keep your chin up, your head low, and your posture as a servant-leader. In Christ, the best is yet to come!

4 Hacks for Easier Leadership

Leadership and responsibility can get overwhelming... i know. No one is saying that it's easy! It takes effort and dedication, but i think it's simpler than you're making it. Here are 4 tips that have helped me through overwhelming times:

4 hacks for easier leadership

1. Stay honest
- honesty isn't a standalone character trait... it's linked to your overall integrity!
-if you don't feel bad about a small lie, chances are you won't feel bad about a big lie.
-whatever you can't talk about OWNS you... stay open and stay free.

2. Do the right thing
-you always have choices in every situation.
-when it gets hard to make decisions, ask yourself and ask God, what's the right thing to do here?
-every decision might not be easy or even preferable, but you'll never regret doing the right thing.

3. Invite accountability
-accountability doesn't mean someone checks in on you, it means you check in on yourself to someone.
-people won't enforce it if you don't invite it.
-get accountability from people who you want your life to look like!

4. Stick to the golden rule
-how can anyone respect you as a a leader if you treat people badly?
-treating someone the way you'd want to be treated means not always taking the easy route.
-this simple value will not only get you in the door, but will keep you in the room. 

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I love inspiring and pouring into church leaders!

That's why I formed the Fearless Leadership Network.

Discover how you can go further, faster in 2025.

Lorne Michaels is the Real Star of "Saturday Night Live"

The New Yorker has a fascinating long-form piece on long-time SNL producer Lorne Michaels. I highlight this article here because there is a dichotomy between comedy and ministry: both require coming up with new material week after week and both can be lonely practices.

There is so much to learn from this article; a few highlights:

The kickoff to every episode, the weekly Writers’ Meeting, is at 6 P.M. on Monday, on the seventeenth floor of 30 Rockefeller Plaza, in Michaels’s Art Deco office, which overlooks the skating rink. Monday, Michaels says, is “a day of redemption,” a fresh start after spending Sunday brooding over Saturday night’s mistakes… The goal of the gathering, which Tina Fey compares to a “church ritual,” is to make the host feel like one of the gang.

Although Michaels has firm rules about sketch comedy, he is more flexible about the talent-management aspect of his producer role. Different personalities, he believes, require different approaches. To some, Michaels will bark, “Don’t f—- it up.” Bill Hader, who is prone to anxiety attacks, remembers Michaels coming to his dressing room when he hosted and snapping, “Calm the f—- down. Just have fun…” With others, he is warmer. Molly Shannon treasures the memory of how, when she was nervous just before going onstage, Michaels would “reassure me with his eyes.”

Read the full New Yorker article here.

Rob Little on Comedy, Dealing with Rejection, and Creating New Material

Rob Little is today's guest!  Having established himself as one of the funniest, most progressive, comedians in the country, it’s easy to understand why The Detroit Free Press selected him as the “Best up and Coming Comedian,” and he was selected as a feature performer at the Chicago and Boston Comedy Festivals.  Rob was excited to be named Budweiser's “Real Man of Comedy."  Last Comic Standing on NBC named him, “The Happiest Comic in America”. Campus Activities Magazine named him “College Comic of the Year” and Maxim Magazine named him "Comedian of the Year".  

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How to Deal w/Chronic Critics Online and in Your Church

This was a Facebook livecast of a Staff Meeting from 7 years ago. The content is still great so I thought I’d share it here!

15 Keys to Building a Fearless Board of Directors

Every good church needs a Board of Directors/Elders that will serve the church by leading the church on big picture issues (not day-to-day issues) and holding the lead pastor accountable.

Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety”

To that end, I submit to you these 15 keys to building a fearless Board of Directors, one that is built for the current realities of 2025 and beyond.

I will in fact be using this list of criteria, first suggested by Josh McPherson, when adding new people to Life Church’s Board in the future. For what it’s worth, I share it with you.

1. Unity, not Diversity. People are already wildly distinct, and so we want a Board that represents leaders united around the church’s vision. God blesses unity (see Acts 2) and so we want to emphasize unity on our Board of Directors.

2. Heaven Down, not Pew Up. The Board does not represent the people, the Board uniquely represents the Lord to the people. We want a Board that hears from God and does what He says. There’s no room for fear or manipulation by man.

3. Monarchy, not Democracy. Board members do not represent constituencies within the church as this causes divisions (see #1 above!). We listen to God and do what He says. This is a kingdom outpost, not a popularity contest.

4. Govern, not Pastor. The Board’s job is to represent the King’s agenda for the church. This is not a shepherding role but rather a governing role.

5. Strengthen Pastor, not Throttle Pastor. The Board doesn’t protect the church from the pastor but rather the reverse! God gives the vision to the lead pastor who then stewards it wisely with wise counsel (Board of Directors). The Board’s job is not to hold back on the strategy but rather to strengthen the pastor’s hand wisely.

6. Special Operations, not Large Platoon. The church is supposed to act like an insurgency in a dark world. Opportunities require the Board to be nimble and small enough to make decisions quickly. When the Board is under 10 people, it creates an atmosphere for healthy questions and curiosity. When the Board is over 10 people, it becomes disunified because members are advocating for their positions. At Life Church, our Board was only 3 people for the first 7 years of our existence, followed by a Board today of 5 people. Amazon’s Jeff Bezos has an axiom: No team can be larger that can share one pizza for a meal. The Lord never anoints a team in the Scriptures; He always raises up a leader to quarterback the vision that is then aided by a team (think Moses). The purpose of a team, biblically, is to strengthen the leader’s hand.

7. High Relational Unity, not Resume Building.

8. Offense Oriented, not Playing Defense. We want seize-the-opportunity leaders, not minimize-the-risk leaders. I’m looking for people who only need 30% of the information to make a decision, not waiting until 110% of the info comes in.

9. Generals, not Soldiers. CEO’s and leaders understand the role of Board Members better than non-leaders.

10. Leaders of Men, not Pastors of People. We want people on the Board with the gift of governance.

11. Gift of Governance, not Gift of Compassion.

12. Solid Wife, Solid Life. This is true! I once hired a guy who was steered by his wife too much. It led to a church campus falling apart and gossip-bombs spreading in its wake. Like Dave Ramsey says, always interview the wife.

13. Not Emotionally-Manipulated. You want someone on the Board who has severed the need to be liked.

14. Mob Proof. This person should not be scared of online backlash to decisions. The loudest boo’s always come from the cheapest seats! We’re in the business of faith; you must have a high level of risk tolerance!

15. Men Who Have Been Attacked Before. You don’t want a fresh newbie on a Board where he may be eaten alive. As I always say, we don’t receive criticism from anyone we wouldn’t seek counsel from.

What criteria would you add?

Joe Rogan, Wesley Huff, and Connecting Through Humility

In what was an amazing display of gospel knowledge, Canadian apologist Wesley Huff’s appearance this week on the #1 Podcast on the planet may become one of the widest-reaching gospel presentations in history. Joe Rogan’s program reaches millions of listeners on top of his wide social media reach. Huff demonstrated apt skills in answering Rogan’s sincere questions and in posing his own toward the program’s end.

What I found most refreshing in Huff’s approach was his genuine humility. There was no ego or swagger on display as he answered complex inquiries into ancient Near-Eastern studies; instead Huff admitted what he did not know, was adequately self-deprecating and easy to talk to, and yet unleashed a sincere knowledge-base that overcomes objections to the historical gospel accounts.

My hope is that his methodology will inspire a new generation of Christian apologists to carefully study their craft and leverage debates and wide-reaching platforms in the same vein as Huff has. Truly this is a three hour interview that is well-worth your time to explore and enjoy!

PS - If 3 hours is too long for you, at the very least watch the clip below for the singular highlight of this program!